- If it's bad, it's possible.
- You can find anything you have lost, as long as you are looking for something else.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the likelihood of being able to scratch.
- The lower your zipper is, the lower your credibility will be.
- There is no end to the amount a person can accomplish, as long as it isn't what they're supposed to be doing.
- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
- Of all the fundamental forces of the universe, the strongest is the will of a woman.
- Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way (Murphy's law).
- You can have it cheap, fast or good. Pick two.
- All roads lead to McDonald's.
- Sometimes the best way to get through is to go around.
- As a rule, there will always be an exception.
- The quality of the napkins at any given restaurant is inversely proportional to the messiness of the food.
- It usually takes at least three socks to make a pair.
- The better the shoe fits, the uglier it must be.
- Procrastination is the only thing guaranteed to get done.
- The probability of being watched is proportional to the stupidity of what you're doing.
last changed on September 26, 2008
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I found a hillarious list on the web called "50 things to do on an exam when you know you are going to fail anyway". Here are some of the best ones:
- Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh nuts, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
- Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
- Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
- Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math or science exams, try using Roman numerals.
- As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
- Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
- Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
- Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
- Bring cheat sheets for another class and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
- After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
- During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
- Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Stinks."
The complete list can be found at 50 things to do on an exam when you know you are going to fail anyway
last changed on August 6, 2008
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